Already?

As I sit in my apartment tonight, switching back and forth between a movie in youtube installments, cruising facebook, obsessively checking my email and visiting various other webpages, every so often glancing about my extraordinarily messy apartment, I cannot believe that this chapter of my life is about to end. What chapter exactly? The chapter of France. My time here has changed me in so many ways, some of which I probably won't discover till I am removed from the experience, and I think this year deserves the title of 'chapter' in my life.

I completed all my courses today. No more class meetings to go to. By the end of this week I will have had all my exams except the one reserved for May, which the professor has assured us won't be torturous. My time here, at least academically, is swiftly coming to a close, and I never expected I would feel anything but joy about that. Except that I do feel something other than joy, I feel a bit sad. I can't even begin to start recounting or summing up everything I've learned here academically. I can't believe that my professors like me and that, language barriers and misunderstandings aside, I liked each and every one of them in some way too. I passed all my courses first semester, though I do not imagine I will pass them all this semester (thank you French grammar ugh), but the two semesters together, aka my year here, still counts as one of the greatest academic achievement of my life - right alongside senior year of high school and senior year of college.  I cannot imagine coming back from Easter and NOT going to class.

I don't want to...to sit down tonight and study for a few hours. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and Sunday and study for both days. I certainly don't want to take my exam on Monday and push through this week studying all day and night, every day and night, until the week is over. I can't imagine anyone would want to, but there's a very bright side. I know that this is it. These are my last opportunities to show my French professors that I have progressed with their language. This is my last week of homework and exams and studying for a good long while. So, if I can just stay in this frame of mind, remembering all I've accomplished this year, and thinking of the deserved rest from school that I'm about to get, then I can power through and end this chapter (at least end it academically, since I don't leave till late May) on a very very positive note.

~Tam in Toulouse