The Countdown begins at 10

Ten days. Starting tomorrow, I have just 10 days left in France. When I think about it, I visited London in 5 days, so 10 days in Toulouse should be plenty of time (on top of the 8 1/2 months I've been here already) to soak up the city and pull into myself wonderful memories to cherish always. But 10 days seems alternately like too little time and like the never ending home stretch.

Today I begin to pack. The weather is gorgeous outside, but I won't be venturing out to appreciate it. No, today is the day that I stay inside and begin to sort through my stacks of papers. I will put all my clothes into my suitcase. I will sort books into those that go and those that need to be sold second hand. I will do laundry so that it can be packed. I will finally send those post cards that I bought way back in October.

Why am I packing if I have ten whole days left? Well, my apartment is a mess. I like to think that I'm subconsciously 'spreading out' my things to make it seem like I still live here for a while. That 'spreading out' consists of piles of dirty clothes and dishes and school books and papers. The 'spreading out' only makes it look like a very messy frat boy lives in my place...not the intended effect. So, now I'm going to face reality. I am going to pack my things as much as I can - toiletries will stay out and a few electronics - and I'm going to make my apartment reflect the fact that I'm leaving in ten days.

Aside from packing, I've been asking myself what in the world I'm supposed to do with ten days of no obligations. Do I sleep in, relax outside in the sun each day and have a picnic lunch? Do I spend my evenings in cafe's or restaurants sipping French wine and watching the people? Perhaps I should go to the English book shop and buy some classics, spend some afternoons in the park, transported into scenes from Jane Austen? What does one do when one is trying to hold tightly to a place?

I know that I will tutor this Tuesday and next. I know that I will see three year old N. and her sweet mother, K. I know that I will treat myself to a movie at the cinema. I know that I will meet with a Miral professor or two. I'll pay some bills and shut down some accounts. I'll visit the bakery, the pizza shop, and the mini supermarket multiple times. Maybe the key to holding tightly to a place is just living out the days as normal. Maybe in doing the mundane I'll be engraving my way of life here into my memory.

~Tam in Toulouse