I leave on Wednesday. Tomorrow morning is Monday.
It is at this point that any sane person would already be packed, have fifty maps in hand with metros and museums circled in red, and annoy every individual willing to listen with excited chatter. I said any sane person and, at the present moment, I cannot count myself as particularly sane.
With literally dozens of people wishing me well, giving me lots of advice and support, and asking tons of questions about my upcoming year abroad, I know that I should be excited. I should be elated. I should be ready to drink it all in.
But I am not. Not yet at least.
(It was like this the first time. I cried most of the time that I wasn't asleep during the 9 hour flight to Paris my junior year. It took me two weeks to settle in. Two very long weeks. And then I almost couldn't bring myself to leave Aix-en-Provence in the end.)
It doesn't make any sense. I know the language. I have money in the bank for tuition, housing, transportation, and meals. Everyone has promised to Skype me. All indicators point toward a fabulous year abroad.
Give me time dear readers, I will get there. I will find my way to joy toward going. I can feel the little nudges at the back of my heart telling me that if I truly did not want to go then I would not have struggled since January, rejected in various ways at different times but always pushing onward. Give me time, it's what I need most right now to get used to the very sudden change between being sure I would not be able to go and being sure that I will be going.
If you are reading this and you Believe, send up a prayer for me to embrace this opportunity, not in timidity and fear but with a trusting and courageous spirit.
* Proverbs 16:9 - In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.*
*Romans 12:2-3 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.*
- Tam (soon to be) in Toulouse
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